Friday, August 11, 2017

8/11/17 Update -- PET Scan Results and Biopsy

Praising God this morning!  The Pet Scan did not show the cancer in any "new" places.  Only in the same areas that we have previously been told about.  Stop right now and let's give a little shout out!!!

The biopsy confirmed that we definitely have ovarian type cancer.

The only changes we will be making will be the change of our team.  They are switching us to an GYN Oncologist, so that we will be with a team that specializes in GYN treatment.

We will be sad because we like our team, but we realize that our treatment will need to be specific for this type of cancer.

Thanks for your continued prayer and support!  God is at work!

Please pray specifically that the cancer stays contained and continues to shrink!

Oh Yes--I almost forgot.  My CA125 is down to 310.  It keeps falling!  Another praise!

Saturday, August 5, 2017

8/4/2017 Update

Finished chemo #4 with my cousin Charlene Bonn.  Dr. Kasi came in and said he talked to the pathologist last night about the biopsy.  He said they are still leaning towards ovarian cancer.  He also said he thought we would probably do chemo for about 6 months. (With surgery somewhere in the mix.)  He also said "we are treating with a cure as the end result."  Note: he did not say that this was a guarantee, but that this was his goal for treatment.)

Lastly he brought in my CA125 (Ovarian tumor marker protein) chart. My numbers dropped to 427 down by 200 from the first marker (low is good; < 36 is normal)

So we are celebrating wholeheartedly. Great news!

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Why?

One of the hardest things I have ever faced in life is watching those that I love the most suffer.  It is human nature to try to understand it, but it is so often not understandable.  Sometimes we may get a glimpse of some of the reasons in the future, but often we never know.  I have had several conversations with people or seen posts recently where people are asking the question of why would a loving God allow tragedy or serious illness to attack someone who seems to be doing exactly what God wants him or her to do?  What happened to Romans 8:28, where God says that He causes all things to work together for the good of those that love Him?  If I am being totally transparent, this don’t feel “good” sometimes.  What about when God said he would never leave us nor forsake us?  Doesn’t this sometimes feel like we have been abandoned?  I remember a gunman coming into our church (Wedgwood Baptist Church in Fort Worth, Texas) and killing several very dedicated young men and women, some of which were training to go to the foreign mission field.  How can a loving God who has all authority allow such a thing to happen to such a committed person?  If God is all powerful, how can He allow His own plans to be interrupted by calamity or disease?  People that are close to me have had false accusations made against them and it has turned their lives upside down.  Where is the justice in that?  Cancer and other major illnesses have invaded the lives of several people that are close to me that seem so innocent.  In some cases God chose to heal them here on earth and in other cases God chose to heal them by taking the home.  In some cases there continues a long, hard fought battle against this awful disease.  God has taught me that it is okay to ask questions.  Sometimes the healing of our emotions requires us to ask the why questions, but we can’t get stuck there.  You see, God already knows your thoughts so you might as well have the conversation with Him and voice them so He can work in your lives to heal them.

Have I asked why Julie has cancer when we were right in the middle of doing His will?  You better believe I have.  I have asked God that question several times.  Every time I do, instead than getting an answer I get a peace that cannot be explained.  You see, God wants us to have faith in HIM, not in His ability to heal us or what He does for us.  I do believe that God will heal Julie here on this earth and we will be back on the mission field in Honduras, but if He doesn’t choose to heal her that way, God is still good and worthy of worship and praise simply because of who He is.

God is not the cause of bad things or of evil – those things exists in the world because Adam and Even brought sin into the world, but God does not always intervene to prevent bad things from happening to people.

Now back to Romans 8:28…… “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28, NASB)”.  The problem with our understanding of this verse is that we tend to define anything that doesn’t go the way we think it should as “bad” or “evil” and anything that goes the way we think it should as “good”.  Our definition of good and bad is all centered around us personally and those that we know and love.  But John 3:16 says that “For God so loved the world……”.  We should think of Romans 8:28 more like this….. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to ALL those who love God, to ALL those who are called according to His purpose…..”  The Bible reminds us everywhere that the earth is no longer our home – our home and our citizenship is in heaven.  No matter how many years we live here, it is but a blink of the eye compared to eternity.  God knows everything about everybody and He is always at work to bring people to himself or to draw his children back to fellowship with him.  He will do or allow whatever He has to (including the crucifixion of his own Son) to make things work together for good  of those who love Him, as He defines good, not as we define it.  We don’t know and often never know how the “bad” things that happen to us bring about good somewhere else, but God does.  I cannot answer why God couldn’t or wouldn’t just bring about that same good without allowing the bad, but I still choose to worship and adore Him.  We don’t get to define good and evil – anything of God is good and anything in opposition to Him is bad and it is that simple.

So while I feel the pain of watching my bride of 25+ years suffer through surgery, chemo and hair loss and whatever else she will go through as we endure this, I can honestly say as the writer of a wonderful hymn penned, “It is well with my soul”.  Why?  Because I KNOW that God is love and loves me, Julie, and our entire family (the whole world actually…) with all his heart.  I KNOW that God knows everything and therefore He knows what is best in every circumstance.  I KNOW that God is all powerful – He is still on the throne and nothing can happen without him authorizing it.  I can think of no better place to be than under the protective wing of an all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful God who I can have confidence will do the absolute best for us.

To His Glory!

Ben

The Un-Fairytale side of Chemo

I promised I would try to be "real" here throughout this journey, so here it goes--some truth about the side effects of chemo.

Saturday was a gift, I felt good--the tiredness had not kicked in, we went on a date . . .  It was a fabulous day.

Then came Sunday morning.

I took my shower and hair started coming out.

Not clumps or bunches, but 8 strands there, and 6 strands there.  It was on my pillow, in my brush, and on my clothes.

It was happening.

My hair was coming out.

I'd like to say I handled this with fierce resolve that "It's just hair--it will grow back", but I did not.

After watching church with our Faith Family via the internet, I hunkered down in the bed, turned the tv onto the Hallmark channel, and watched tv for the rest of the day.  Movie after movie of "happily ever after".

My reality was laying on my pillow.

By the time it was time to go to bed, I was done.  I asked my sweet man to hold me and I just cried.

Cried for our old pre-cancer days, cried for the loss of our lives in Honduras, cried for the separation of our family unit, cried because my hair was now falling out and I couldn't make it stop.

I tried to sleep, but I couldn't.  It took me a while to figure out why this was bothering  me so much, apart from the obvious I was going to be bald.

Somewhere around 3 a.m. I finally figured it out.  I was so upset because I wouldn't be able to look "normal".  People would now "know" just with a glance.

See Saturday night we went out and nobody looked at us as any differently.
But once I'm without hair, that will not be the case.

I'll be the woman with Cancer.

And--I know--I know that was true before, but now I won't be able to hide behind my normal looks and think that it's not really happening.

Around 3:30 a.m. I finally took it to Jesus.

I literally just started crying out to Him.  I was telling Him that this shouldn't be this big of a deal, that I know it's just hair, and so on ...

Do you know what He whispered over me . . .

He whispered, "It's the hair I gave you."

And then the tears really came.  He knows me so well, I'm His creation, he was the one who gave me my hair, who designed my body, who breathed life into me.

He cares about my hair--and it's loss.

Y'all - He loves us that much.

And then thankfully that peace that comes only from the one that comforts us came and I fell asleep.

I woke up Monday somewhat in a better mindset.  I mean--I didn't turn on Hallmark and lay in the bed.
I actually got dressed and tried to do normal things.  I started realizing that loosing my hair is the next step in this crazy new life of battling cancer.

And while I'm not thrilled with going bald, I've made plans to go to see Natalie today at Volume.  I'm going to get a crew cut.  I just can't handle the strands falling out.

It's going to be ok, I'm going to get through it because I know that Jesus is going with me.

I feel stronger today.  No one ever said this road would be easy--it's not. But, I actually giggled at the thought about me making Jesus' job a little easier for Him--He won't have to number my hairs for a while. (Luke 12:7)  Sorry for my warped sense of humor--but well, I told you I was keeping it REAL!








Thursday, July 27, 2017

Doctor Visit Today 7/27/2017

We had a great visit at Mayo today.

I had blood drawn today and thankfully I am in the normal ranges for all of my blood work.  Which is great because it means my immunity is still high enough to fight.    So day #3 of chemo tomorrow.

We are also doing the happy dance--and praising Jesus dance--cause my CA125 count went down!!!

This is the marker for ovarian cancer.  It went from 628 to 582.  The doctor says this is a good indication that the chemo is working.  The lower this number goes, the better, until it gets in normal ranges.

Keep your prayers coming,  we are praying for healing in Jesus precious, Holy name!

Monday, July 24, 2017

Making itThrough

I've made it through the 2nd chemo treatment with simple tiredness.  What wonderful grace and mercy I am experiencing at this moment.   So celebrate with me--I am taking the time any chance I get.

What we have been up to:

Over the weekend we celebrated my dad's 75th birthday.  He turned 75 on July 5th, and we had a great time laughing, eating, talking, and spending time just hanging out. 

Ben's parents, Ken and Margaret, drove over from Alabama and spent time with our family on Saturday and Sunday.  We loved seeing them and enjoyed our time together even though it was quick.

Leighanne and Hannah are beginning home school again.  We are starting a light week and then will ramp up next week full speed ahead. (Pray for Nana, Papa, and Aunt Sheryl since they will be helping the girls.)  

Austin began work at Chick Fil-A last week, and Jordan had his first day on his new job after college. Zach is continuing his schooling and work at TRF.

What's coming up:

I have my 3rd chemo treatment to Friday.  Please continue to pray for the chemo to be effective.

Other prayer requests:

Please pray for other families going through this cancer journey.  

Pray for our ministry in Honduras--New Beginnings Honduras.  Pray that God will grow our ministry in our absence.  Pray for the Robinson family who are fostering J and M.  Pray that God will meet their needs and bless them for standing in the gap for us.

Pray for our Partner ministry--Legacy of Hope.  Pray for God to strengthen and direct their ministry.

Pray for missionaries all over the world who are doing their work in the name of Jesus.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

7/18/2017 Update (PET Scan and Port Placement)

This morning is when we were scheduled to have the PET scan and I know many of you are waiting on a report of the results.  Late yesterday afternoon, after discussion with the Oncologist, we decided to postpone the PET scan from today to August 8th and postpone the port placement from 7/25 to 8/3.  The PET scan was originally critical due to the thought that we didn't know the primary source, but now that we know it is Ovarian cancer, the PET scan don't become as important until after the initial treatment of the primary.  The Port is needed because she cannot get so many treatments through IV over the long haul.  However, postponing it will only cause one additional treatment through IV.  Dr. Kasi assured us that neither of these things would in any way decrease his effectiveness on treating her so we made the decision to postpone them until we have insurance in August.  These decisions saved over $26,000.  There is no monetary value of Julie's life and we would never make a decision to save money that would limit in any way her ability to be treated, but the Dr. assured us it was not a problem and we felt like to be good stewards of the very generous gifts we have received to help with our medical expenses we needed to postpone these two items.

All this really means is that we have to wait until after August 8th to know for sure whether cancer is in other parts of her body, but knowing it at this time wouldn't help us in any way anyway, so we will be patient and wait.

With Much Love,
Ben

A quick note from Julie ...

Well I have made it past the 1st treatment.  I am thrilled to report that this time the only side effect I had was extreme fatigue.  I did not have any nausea.  Today I felt the best I have felt since surgery 4 weeks ago.  Ben and I even walked around the duck pond in our neighborhood 2 times.  So while I'm not planning a 5K anytime soon, it did feel great to get outside and walk around.

All of our kids came by yesterday for a visit, and brought me the sweetest gift.  A family photobook. Each child took the time to add their favorite pics, scripture verse and a sweet note to me.  How sweet and special they have all been.  I also got some extra goodies that will help pass the chemo time away.

And you folks out there--how precious you are to me.  I know of three t-shirt fundraisers, and the gofundme that are helping to help with our finances.  Yall--God does make a way!  And a big thanks for all the gifts that have been given to us through a variety of places.  We are so blessed to be loved by many.

Thanks for the words of encouragement, prayers, cards and belief!

We are believing for a miracle,

Julie